NESTING

What is nesting? The term nesting means that you are preparing your nest for your young. Yes, just like a proud momma bird. Some say it is instinct, other’s say it is your body’s way of saying that you are ready for those late night feedings. Personally, I think it’s both and I am definitely going through it. Fix this, child proof that, move this, hang that, clean this… discard, discard, discard. I'm driving my poor husband bananas.

Although there are many similarities between a natural pregnancy and going through the ‘waiting parent’ process of adoption, there have been a few comments made recently that have irked me and I feel the need to vent and clarify. Over this past weekend, I had someone say to me “Oh, your so lucky adoption is easy and you don’t have to go through any check ups, pregnancy side effects or labour”. At the time, I just smiled and said nothing but in retrospect, I wish I had voiced my opinion. Since the time for that has pasted and I am certainly not going to bring it back up with this individual, I though I would just make my case here and beg to differ!

Pregnancy: 9 month term
Adoption: potentially living years with a ‘god only knows’ uncertainty

Pregnancy: joyfully announcing pregnancy to family and friends and having tremendous support
Adoption: joyfully announcing adoption plans to friends and family; getting happy reactions from some while others are unsure or down right hate the idea.

Pregnancy: Having to deal with belly rubs from random individuals (many of whom do not ask permission)
Adoption: Having to deal with endless questions and comments that are frankly no ones business, many of which are ignorant and inappropriate.

Pregnancy: Nine months worth of doctor appointments
Adoption: Nine+ months of paperwork, training, criminal record checks, and psychiatric evaluation.

Pregnancy: Morning sickness
Adoption: Nausea and anxiety during the wait to be given approval to adopt and then after accepting a child referral from a million miles away, having to wait and wonder if your child is ok for the next 5-11months before you can go pick them up and have them safely in your arms.

Pregnancy: Swollen Ankles
Adoption: Migraine after migraine.

Pregnancy: 25-35 baby pounds
Adoption: 25-35 stress pounds

Pregnancy: Worrying about how to financially cope during
50 weeks of paid maternity leave
Adoption: Worrying about how finance the adoption related fees (then pay it back) and then worry about how to financially cope during 35 weeks of paid parental leave – even though you’re off work for 50.

Pregnancy: Trying to form a maternal connection to your unborn child when it
moves and grows inside you
Adoption: Trying to form a maternal connection to a photograph and description of your child

Pregnancy: Planning a nursery for a newborn
Adoption: Planning a nursery for a child(s) with unknown age.

Pregnancy: reading what to expect when your expecting and anything
related to bringing home a newborn
Adoption: reading all adoption literature available on loss, cross cultural upbringing, teaching ‘sense of self’, identity development, language and culture shock, abandonment etc.

Pregnancy: Painful Labour (Epi) and Delivery
Adoption: Painfully long wait, Long Flights, (No drugs)

Pregnancy: Filing for EI, Child Tax Credits, Birth Certificate, SIN card etc.
Adoption: Filling for Guardianship, Immigration, Citizenship, Passports, EI, Child Tax Credits, Birth Certificate, SIN card etc.

Believe me, this is the short list - I could have continued for days. Pregnancy is not easy and neither is the adoption process. We all pay our dues while following the path to parenthood. Both similar and different, the final goal is the same – to have healthy, happy children and become a family.

Just because it does not grow in my belly does not mean it does not grow in my heart!

DOUBLE YOKE

I’m still trying to wrap my head around the idea I could become a mom of two dragonflies...2 sets of ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes. I can't even imagine!  I have spent the last year preparing my mind and home for a single baby and now, I need to revise the plan in order to prepare for the chance of two dragonflies. Most people request a single child, and although there is no guarantee we will receive referrals for two children, the odds are in our favour and we hoping this is what we will be presented with. We have left ourselves open to any age group category (twins or split group) that becomes available under 3 years; doing so allows more opportunity for us to be matched more quickly – and it can’t come soon enough for us.

In the mean time, hubby and I are getting to know our new god-daughter Stella, doing some home renovations, enjoying the cottage and trying to come up with options for a second name; one for a boy and another for a girl. It’s tough enough trying to come up with one, much less more.

VUNG TAU SPONSORSHIP PROGRAM

HELP CHANGE THE LIFE OF A CHILD!
In Vietnam, single parenthood is not accepted, and children are abandoned because of this prejudice as well as poverty. Increasingly, children are orphaned because of AIDS. Many of these children are not “qualified” as adoptable and will forever be institutionalized until age of majority. Orphanages are not supplemented by the government and therefore the daily operations and child care run solely on goodwill donations.

Considering this orphanage (1 of 4) could very well be the one my own children come from, I urge you to at least consider the option and help support the cause.

Both boys and girls are in the sponsorship program, from a wide range of ages as well as those with special needs.

Upon signing your commitment to sponsor a child from the Vung Tau Children’s Protection Centre, you will learn your child’s name, birth date and social situation. You will receive updates at least once a year, along with pictures as I mentioned above.

Sponsorship payments are to be made by direct bank transfer. This commitment can be cancelled at any time by either party at any time. Sponsorship ceases when the child turns 18, is adopted, is returned to its biological family, or should the child die.

The director of Vung Tau has described how happy the kids are when they learn that they have been sponsored. When they receive mail from their sponsors, they run around the whole orphanage showing all their friends their letter and pictures from their “Canadian” parents. Remember, your’re as close to a parent they will ever experience. They get excited to know that someone a million miles away cares about “just them”. Travelling to visit your sponsored child is also an option.

The suggested donation is only $300 a year. That’s less than 90 cents a day.

The sum goes towards the direct care of the children; food, medication, school supplies and clothing. The money that is sent is not only used for your sponsored child, but the benefit of ALL the children - as not all children have sponsors.

The director of the orphanage has personally committed to send news and updated pictures of the sponsored children every year, more often is possible. Personal gifts sent for your sponsored child will not be accepted, as many children do not have sponsors and it would seem unfair to those individuals. Photographs and drawings are always appreciated, appropriate and easily shared as are letters, although translations can be an issue.

$25 is a small price to pay for bringing such happiness and encouragement to a child who has so little. If you wish to sponsor a child, please contact me and I can give you further details.

TWO BIRDS OF A FEATHER

With our in-home safety inspection completed a few weeks ago (finally), our Homestudy recommendation is being typed up by our Practitioner and will be completed by the beginning of August. With our parental ‘capabilities’ being poked and prodded
for months, approval has thankfully been granted on paper – phew, and I am feeling a great sense
of relief. That being said, we have some news…
TWO DRAGONFLIES!

Yes people, that means exactly what you’re thinking. We have decided that if we are going through the long wait and trouble, we might as well make ourselves an insta-family of four!

Nervous, but loving the idea, our folks are on board and have not yet enforced power of attorney, leaving us free of psychiatric treatment!