NESTING

What is nesting? The term nesting means that you are preparing your nest for your young. Yes, just like a proud momma bird. Some say it is instinct, other’s say it is your body’s way of saying that you are ready for those late night feedings. Personally, I think it’s both and I am definitely going through it. Fix this, child proof that, move this, hang that, clean this… discard, discard, discard. I'm driving my poor husband bananas.

Although there are many similarities between a natural pregnancy and going through the ‘waiting parent’ process of adoption, there have been a few comments made recently that have irked me and I feel the need to vent and clarify. Over this past weekend, I had someone say to me “Oh, your so lucky adoption is easy and you don’t have to go through any check ups, pregnancy side effects or labour”. At the time, I just smiled and said nothing but in retrospect, I wish I had voiced my opinion. Since the time for that has pasted and I am certainly not going to bring it back up with this individual, I though I would just make my case here and beg to differ!

Pregnancy: 9 month term
Adoption: potentially living years with a ‘god only knows’ uncertainty

Pregnancy: joyfully announcing pregnancy to family and friends and having tremendous support
Adoption: joyfully announcing adoption plans to friends and family; getting happy reactions from some while others are unsure or down right hate the idea.

Pregnancy: Having to deal with belly rubs from random individuals (many of whom do not ask permission)
Adoption: Having to deal with endless questions and comments that are frankly no ones business, many of which are ignorant and inappropriate.

Pregnancy: Nine months worth of doctor appointments
Adoption: Nine+ months of paperwork, training, criminal record checks, and psychiatric evaluation.

Pregnancy: Morning sickness
Adoption: Nausea and anxiety during the wait to be given approval to adopt and then after accepting a child referral from a million miles away, having to wait and wonder if your child is ok for the next 5-11months before you can go pick them up and have them safely in your arms.

Pregnancy: Swollen Ankles
Adoption: Migraine after migraine.

Pregnancy: 25-35 baby pounds
Adoption: 25-35 stress pounds

Pregnancy: Worrying about how to financially cope during
50 weeks of paid maternity leave
Adoption: Worrying about how finance the adoption related fees (then pay it back) and then worry about how to financially cope during 35 weeks of paid parental leave – even though you’re off work for 50.

Pregnancy: Trying to form a maternal connection to your unborn child when it
moves and grows inside you
Adoption: Trying to form a maternal connection to a photograph and description of your child

Pregnancy: Planning a nursery for a newborn
Adoption: Planning a nursery for a child(s) with unknown age.

Pregnancy: reading what to expect when your expecting and anything
related to bringing home a newborn
Adoption: reading all adoption literature available on loss, cross cultural upbringing, teaching ‘sense of self’, identity development, language and culture shock, abandonment etc.

Pregnancy: Painful Labour (Epi) and Delivery
Adoption: Painfully long wait, Long Flights, (No drugs)

Pregnancy: Filing for EI, Child Tax Credits, Birth Certificate, SIN card etc.
Adoption: Filling for Guardianship, Immigration, Citizenship, Passports, EI, Child Tax Credits, Birth Certificate, SIN card etc.

Believe me, this is the short list - I could have continued for days. Pregnancy is not easy and neither is the adoption process. We all pay our dues while following the path to parenthood. Both similar and different, the final goal is the same – to have healthy, happy children and become a family.

Just because it does not grow in my belly does not mean it does not grow in my heart!